My Winnie-isms
Lorrie Unites-Struiff
Do you know what Winnie-isms are? Well, let me clue you in.
They are dumb, idiotic things I do at times. I think we all
do goofy things occasionally. Let me give you a few for instances.
These are all “one day in the past few months.”
1. I
went to the post office, parked in the lot, and went inside. When I came out, I
walked to my car and slipped inside the driver seat. Something felt wrong. The
dashboard looked different. After a few seconds, I realized I got in the wrong
car, one that looked exactly like mine. Mine sat parked three spaces down.
I tried to sneak out casually, and I made it to the
bumper when a very old, sweet man with a cane and thick glasses hobbled up to
me. He said, “Honey, can you help me find my car, it looks like yours.”
2. Did
you ever get in the shower with your socks on? Let me tell you, it feels weird.
3. My
stove died. I had a new one delivered and installed. I made frozen shrimp
scampi in the oven. You know the one where the shrimp comes coated in the
seasoning that melts in the pan and all you have to do is pour it over the linguini.
Understand, my computer is in my den and I can’t see my
kitchen from where I work.
All of a sudden, my fire alarm blares. It’s loud. I
jumped off the chair like a maniac, peeked around the corner, and my kitchen
was hazy with smoke. Yep, the butter burned with the shrimp. I shut off the
oven, opened its door plus the outside door of my kitchen. The alarm still
blared so loud I thought my ears would bleed. The phone rings. My security company calls me.
I yell over the alarm and assure them all is okay, don’t call the fire
departmend, then proceed to shut the alarm off. Now, if that isn’t bad enough,
I turned my oven on the next day to make a roast for dinner. My alarm screamed
again.
Oops. I forgot to check the oven bottom where all the
butter from the shrimp leaked yesterday. So, it’s like a replay with my
security co. How embarrassing.
Okay, I got over it. I cleaned my oven.
Next day, I forgot my security system was armed and I
opened a door. Yep, you guessed it.
I think the man who called me from my security company was a
little irked. He said, “What in the hell are you doing to set the alarms off
every day?”
Eww.
4. Did
you ever try to use your TV remote thinking it was your portable phone? Lol. I
did.
This article is long enough, so I won’t even write what
happened at the gas station, or the grocery store, etc.
Why do I call them Winnie-isms? They remind me of my
character, Winnie, from the “Call on the Dead Club” series. I swear she is my alter
ego.
I do have the weird sense humor to laugh at myself when I
do these silly things. I laugh so hard it’s ridiculous. Of course that’s after
the fact and when my heart slows to normal.
Am I the only weird one? I can’t be. I’m sure you have
all pulled a few Winnie-isms in the past. Please share one with me so I don’t
feel sooooo alone. Or, ahem, idiotic.
UNWANTED GIFT and GOING IN STYLE. Both in the first download.
Winnie went to the funeral
home to pay her last respects to her dead bingo friend Cora.
There lay
Cora in her casket, and there sat Cora on a chair next to her
casket.
*
Come and meet Winnie Krapski who hugged a cherry tree during a
lightning storm. The bolt slammed her, splitting the tree in half. The
near-death experience bestowed her with a gift–one she’d rather not
have.
Drafted into the C.O.D. Club (Call on the Dead) by Fat Phil Phillips,
her mission is to grant the newly deceased’s ghost one last reasonable request.
Can Winnie honor her oath?
Well, she tries. But, not before she stumbles
into situations that almost get her killed. She’s one spunky broad. Follow her
adventures in the COD Club series.
http://www.amazon.com/Unwanted-Gift-Going-Style-ebook/dp/B009CZYE9C/
It's here, it's here. Free download March 7-8-9th
Secrets abound. Bullets fly. Yep, it’s
Winnie granting a dead person’s last request..
(Blurb)
Mr. and Mrs. Bickerson are in a fatal
highway accident. Both Phil and Winnie work their last requests. Strange that
the dead couple want their requests kept secret from one another. Why? What are
they hiding?
Winnie works the request and ends up in
more danger than she can handle.
Yep, Winnie is in deep poo again.
March 7-8-9th. Here, here, get your copy now. It is a standalone.
(excerpt)
While reading the local obituaries, I
slurped my morning tea. Being a member of the Call on the Dead Club, I hoped I
didn’t have to do any spook-speaking for the next few days for my assigned
district. With my head cold, I felt miserable.
“Good Lord,”I gasped. The cup dropped
from my fingers, shattered, and sloshed tea over the floor. My breath caught in
my throat. Mr. and Mrs. Richard Bickerson had been in a fatal car accident.
They lived four blocks over from me with their twin sons.
What a terrible tragedy. I grabbed the
broom and dishcloth and, after cleaning up the mess, went back to the paper. I
hardly knew them, but the Mister owned the Bickerson Computer Center at the
mall. His wife was a teacher at the elementary school. The visitation started
tomorrow and both laid-out in the same room. Yep, in my district. Oh, crap!
Ever since I had hugged that darn
cherry tree in a storm, got zapped by lightning, and had a near-death experience,
I’ve been stuck with this unwanted ghostie talent.
The oath Phil Phillips coerced me into
taking, granting the last request of the deceased for the worldwide COD club
was not always an easy job. I should know, even ended up in the slammer once.
My bones ached, and a slight headache
throbbed behind my eyes. I shivered and pulled my flannel robe tighter. This
drastic change of weather from warm to chilly had me coming down with
something. What a ducky way to start tomorrow. Two stiffs and the sniffles.
I grabbed the phone. No way was this
gal doing double duty when I felt like death myself.
Fat Phil answered on the first ring. “Yeah,
yeah, Winnie. I’m reading it now, and you’re gonna beg for help.”
“Your Caller ID’s annoying. You should
get rid of it.”
“Sure I will. Well? You gonna beg?”
“Hey! You’re the president of our
chapter. It’s your job to find me a partner. You know I can’t work two last requests
at a time.”
“But no one else is available.”
“You are. I see your assigned district
is clear. Come on, Phil. This’s heavy-duty stuff and you know it.”
He sighed long and hard. “I guess I got
no choice.” Paper rustled. “I see they’re going to have viewing for two days.”
“Yeah.” I sneezed and snuffled. “I
guess since it’s a double header.”
Fat Phil’s voice grated in my ear. “You
sound horrible.”
“I’m not feeling well.”
“Take a few Coldquils. We gotta stick
to our mission. Maybe it’ll be an easy one.
(But…does Winnie ever get an easy request? Find out in her
new adventure.
Buy site.
Yay, COD # 3 is out!
Come on, don't be shy. Share your Winnie-ism with us today in the comment section below. We could all use a good laugh at ourselves.
Let's try this again. The story is up for a free download on Amazon March 7-8-9th. Grab you copy today. The link again is
http://www.amazon.com/Going-Double-Header-Call-ebook/dp/B00BENUFPW/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1362673371&sr=8-4&keywords=lorrie+unites-struiff
that I really hoped What Kings Ate sold at least 175 copies by the first royalty payment so that I could afford to take a university course that I had to cancel due to funds.