- What made you decide to write a memoir?
I’ve wanted to write for several years and have
helped complete three books at my job.
But my attempts at writing fiction have always been thwarted by the
realization that the characters I was creating were based closely on real
people. Once that became clear to me, I
recognized that I wasn’t going to be able to focus on fiction until I’d worked
my way through personal things I wanted to say.
Helplessly Hoping
is my second memoir, and in some ways, it was more difficult to write than my
first book It’s Their House; I’m Just a Guest, which dealt with Federal
Prison. The first memoir was simply a
way of answering a question many of people were asking me: what was prison
like?
I’ve been promising some of my siblings to write a
book about our family and how we grew up, but I knew that I should focus on my
first marriage and all the problems Mara faced before I moved further back in
time. Mara’s primary battle was always
to be understood, and I saw this memoir as a way of revealing her struggles to
the world, in the hopes that people could understand her at last. I suppose in some ways this is a love letter
to Mara, and in other ways it’s my attempt at closing the book on the grieving
I still do for that relationship.
- Was it hard sharing such personal details?
In my younger years the answer would have been
unquestionably yes. These days, not so
much. My personality has developed and
changed as I’ve grown older, and I’m generally an open book (no pun
intended). I tend to be very open with
people about who I am and my experiences.
In turn, I’ve discovered others become very open with me as well,
willing to reveal secrets they don’t share with the rest of the world.
- What book have you read that changed your life?
That’s a very good question. There are so many books that have changed the
way I see things. The first one that
comes to mind is one I read more recently: The Art of Asking by Amanda
Palmer. It isn’t a book for everyone,
and I know it’s received its fair share of criticism for not looking at the
topic from a wider, more social perspective.
But it hit very close to home for me, as in some ways she and I share
many personality traits. On a personal
level, rather than a general one, it has helped me recognize why I feel some of
the things I do. I’m a very
introspective person, so the more I can learn about why I feel things and why I
react certain ways, the better.
- What were your some of favorite books growing up?
My first loves were books by Maurice Sendak and
Steven Kellogg. Where the Wild Things
Are, The Island of the Skog, things like that. As I grew a bit, Judy Blume’s Tales of a
Fourth Grade Nothing was a real winner for me. And then I discovered adult fiction and
memoir. Cat’s Cradle (and almost
anything else by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.), Dune, Starship Troopers,
Robert Adams’ Horseclans paperbacks, The Basketball Diaries, The
Amityville Horror, and Zodiac were all passions of mine, and I still
own my original copies of almost all of those.
I also had a period as a teenager where I’d read anything that I could
find on World War II. Perhaps Slaughterhouse-Five
set me on that path, I’m not sure. Oh,
and Stephen King, everything up to Pet Semetary, especially his short
story collections, Salem’s Lot, and the four original Bachman
books.
- What books are currently in your to be read pile?
I’ve got an eclectic pile of things, and the battle
seems to always be making my way to the bottom.
Gorman Bechard’s Good Neighbors, Walter Isaacson’s biography on Leonardo
da Vinci, and Michael Sullivan’s Age of Myth are at the top for the
moment. Oh, and a copy of Ben Bova’s Mars
that was too damaged to sell; I haven’t read that one before, so I added it to
the pile.
- Which do you prefer ebooks, print, or audio books?
I’m old school, no question about it. Print books all the way. As I mentioned, I’ve got some books I’ve
owned for thirty years that I revisit again and again. A trip to Half Price Books is a strain on my
wallet; I’ll walk out with a dozen books and leave a dozen more behind that I
wanted to get but talked myself out of. I
also have a side gig selling rare, signed, and First Edition books on eBay,
which gives me an even greater appreciation for the physical copy. I’m the same with music and movies: physical
media all the way. I’m not judgmental
about it though. It’s just what works for
me. I think life is much richer with
books, and whatever format you like to consume them in, more power to you!
Helplessly Hoping
Douglas Kent
Genre: Memoir
Douglas Kent
Genre: Memoir
Date of Publication: May 8, 2020
ISBN: 979-8641132112 (Paperback)
ASIN: B088CQZSD8 (Kindle)
Word Count: 114,000
Cover Artist: Shawn Burkett
Tagline: When Love is All You Have Left
Book Description:
High school sweethearts Mara and Douglas are young and in love, but they’re about to discover that the nightmares of the past have a way of haunting us in the present. Together they will face the demons of Mara’s childhood…but will either of them get out alive?
A true and hauntingly candid look into the tragedy of sexual abuse and mental illness, and the struggle to stay afloat when everything seems hopeless.
Excerpt:
One night we were lying in bed watching television.
As a general rule at this stage, I would fall asleep hours before Mara would.
She’d stay up until 2am or later watching television, unable to sleep, and
instead would sleep until 10am or later in the morning, waking up only for a
moment to take the handful of pills I’d give her before leaving for work.
Mara had been strangely quiet all evening, neither
laughing at the TV nor complaining of any discomfort. I rolled over, gave her a
kiss goodnight, and started to settle in to fall asleep. At that point, Mara
reached back and opened her own bedside drawer, pulling out the Bowie knife and
showing it to me.
“Tonight, when you are sleeping,” she said in an
emotionless monotone, “I am going to stab you to death.”
“Okay,” I replied calmly. “And why would you want to
do that? Did I do something wrong?”
“No, but I’m tired of living. And if I kill you, I
won’t have a reason to live anymore. So I will be free to kill myself. And that’s
what I am going to do. I’m sorry, but I
just can’t take it anymore. And I don’t want to kill myself and leave you
behind to deal with the guilt and the mess.”
I could actually see the warped logic of what she
was telling me. But I didn’t know what to do, or what to say. Life had been
dragging us both down, and for a long time I’d had no hope of things getting
any better. At any rate, I was tired too, physically, mentally, and
emotionally. And I felt completely helpless in my life. I didn’t see how anything
would ever really get better. Sure, there would be better days and worse days,
but the trend was set: downwards.
I rolled over on my side and faced away from Mara. I
didn’t want to look at her. I just put my head down on the pillow, said “I love
you,” and closed my eyes. Death has always been a huge fear for me; trying to
fathom the concept of nonexistence makes me shake all over, and when that
happens, I have to snap out of that quickly. I knew Mara was serious, and I
felt fairly certain she would follow through with her plan. But in my state of
misery, it didn’t matter. The fear of death, and the thought of that knife
plunging in and out of my body, barely moved the needle. I simply didn’t care
any longer. In only a few minutes I was asleep.
About the Author:
Born in Danbury, CT, Douglas Kent now makes his home in the Dallas, TX area with his two black cats. While he still dabbles in fiction and satire, his published works have focused on personal experiences in the form of memoirs.
He is also an avid supporter of independent film and music, and a lifelong animal lover.
Twitter: https://twitter.com/ItsTheirHouse
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/itstheirhouse/
No comments:
Post a Comment