My Winnie-isms
Lorrie Unites-Struiff
Do you know what Winnie-isms are? Well, let me clue you in.
They are dumb, idiotic things I do at times. I think we all
do goofy things occasionally. Let me give you a few for instances.
These are all “one day in the past few months.”
1. I
went to the post office, parked in the lot, and went inside. When I came out, I
walked to my car and slipped inside the driver seat. Something felt wrong. The
dashboard looked different. After a few seconds, I realized I got in the wrong
car, one that looked exactly like mine. Mine sat parked three spaces down.
I tried to sneak out casually, and I made it to the
bumper when a very old, sweet man with a cane and thick glasses hobbled up to
me. He said, “Honey, can you help me find my car, it looks like yours.”
2. Did
you ever get in the shower with your socks on? Let me tell you, it feels weird.
3. My
stove died. I had a new one delivered and installed. I made frozen shrimp
scampi in the oven. You know the one where the shrimp comes coated in the
seasoning that melts in the pan and all you have to do is pour it over the linguini.
Understand, my computer is in my den and I can’t see my
kitchen from where I work.
All of a sudden, my fire alarm blares. It’s loud. I
jumped off the chair like a maniac, peeked around the corner, and my kitchen
was hazy with smoke. Yep, the butter burned with the shrimp. I shut off the
oven, opened its door plus the outside door of my kitchen. The alarm still
blared so loud I thought my ears would bleed. The phone rings. My security company calls me.
I yell over the alarm and assure them all is okay, don’t call the fire
departmend, then proceed to shut the alarm off. Now, if that isn’t bad enough,
I turned my oven on the next day to make a roast for dinner. My alarm screamed
again.
Oops. I forgot to check the oven bottom where all the
butter from the shrimp leaked yesterday. So, it’s like a replay with my
security co. How embarrassing.
Okay, I got over it. I cleaned my oven.
Next day, I forgot my security system was armed and I
opened a door. Yep, you guessed it.
I think the man who called me from my security company was a
little irked. He said, “What in the hell are you doing to set the alarms off
every day?”
Eww.
4. Did
you ever try to use your TV remote thinking it was your portable phone? Lol. I
did.
This article is long enough, so I won’t even write what
happened at the gas station, or the grocery store, etc.
Why do I call them Winnie-isms? They remind me of my
character, Winnie, from the “Call on the Dead Club” series. I swear she is my alter
ego.
I do have the weird sense humor to laugh at myself when I
do these silly things. I laugh so hard it’s ridiculous. Of course that’s after
the fact and when my heart slows to normal.
Am I the only weird one? I can’t be. I’m sure you have
all pulled a few Winnie-isms in the past. Please share one with me so I don’t
feel sooooo alone. Or, ahem, idiotic.
There lay Cora in her casket, and there sat Cora on a chair next to her casket.
*
Come and meet Winnie Krapski who hugged a cherry tree during a lightning storm. The bolt slammed her, splitting the tree in half. The near-death experience bestowed her with a gift–one she’d rather not have.
Drafted into the C.O.D. Club (Call on the Dead) by Fat Phil Phillips, her mission is to grant the newly deceased’s ghost one last reasonable request. Can Winnie honor her oath?
Well, she tries. But, not before she stumbles into situations that almost get her killed. She’s one spunky broad. Follow her adventures in the COD Club series.
It's here, it's here. Free download March 7-8-9th
Secrets abound. Bullets fly. Yep, it’s
Winnie granting a dead person’s last request..
(Blurb)
Mr. and Mrs. Bickerson are in a fatal
highway accident. Both Phil and Winnie work their last requests. Strange that
the dead couple want their requests kept secret from one another. Why? What are
they hiding?
Winnie works the request and ends up in
more danger than she can handle.
Yep, Winnie is in deep poo again.
March 7-8-9th. Here, here, get your copy now. It is a standalone.
(excerpt)
While reading the local obituaries, I
slurped my morning tea. Being a member of the Call on the Dead Club, I hoped I
didn’t have to do any spook-speaking for the next few days for my assigned
district. With my head cold, I felt miserable.
“Good Lord,”I gasped. The cup dropped
from my fingers, shattered, and sloshed tea over the floor. My breath caught in
my throat. Mr. and Mrs. Richard Bickerson had been in a fatal car accident.
They lived four blocks over from me with their twin sons.
What a terrible tragedy. I grabbed the
broom and dishcloth and, after cleaning up the mess, went back to the paper. I
hardly knew them, but the Mister owned the Bickerson Computer Center at the
mall. His wife was a teacher at the elementary school. The visitation started
tomorrow and both laid-out in the same room. Yep, in my district. Oh, crap!
Ever since I had hugged that darn
cherry tree in a storm, got zapped by lightning, and had a near-death experience,
I’ve been stuck with this unwanted ghostie talent.
The oath Phil Phillips coerced me into
taking, granting the last request of the deceased for the worldwide COD club
was not always an easy job. I should know, even ended up in the slammer once.
My bones ached, and a slight headache
throbbed behind my eyes. I shivered and pulled my flannel robe tighter. This
drastic change of weather from warm to chilly had me coming down with
something. What a ducky way to start tomorrow. Two stiffs and the sniffles.
I grabbed the phone. No way was this
gal doing double duty when I felt like death myself.
Fat Phil answered on the first ring. “Yeah,
yeah, Winnie. I’m reading it now, and you’re gonna beg for help.”
“Your Caller ID’s annoying. You should
get rid of it.”
“Sure I will. Well? You gonna beg?”
“Hey! You’re the president of our
chapter. It’s your job to find me a partner. You know I can’t work two last requests
at a time.”
“But no one else is available.”
“You are. I see your assigned district
is clear. Come on, Phil. This’s heavy-duty stuff and you know it.”
He sighed long and hard. “I guess I got
no choice.” Paper rustled. “I see they’re going to have viewing for two days.”
“Yeah.” I sneezed and snuffled. “I
guess since it’s a double header.”
Fat Phil’s voice grated in my ear. “You
sound horrible.”
“I’m not feeling well.”
“Take a few Coldquils. We gotta stick
to our mission. Maybe it’ll be an easy one.
(But…does Winnie ever get an easy request? Find out in her
new adventure.
Buy site.
Yay, COD # 3 is out!
Amazon, my download buy page: http://www.amazon.com/Lorrie-Unites-Struiff/e/B0046DA65Q/ref=sr_tc_2_0?qid=1357417814&sr=1-2-ent
Pintrest: https://pinterest.com/811lms/
Let's try this again. The story is up for a free download on Amazon March 7-8-9th. Grab you copy today. The link again is
http://www.amazon.com/Going-Double-Header-Call-ebook/dp/B00BENUFPW/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1362673371&sr=8-4&keywords=lorrie+unites-struiff
Great post Lorrie. Here's an idiot lapse of reality for you. When I was pregnant with my daughter, my mother and I were going shopping. I parked the car, and tried to get out of the car. "Mom! I'm Stuck!!" Yeah, I forgot I had my seatbelt on! *smacksforehead*
ReplyDeleteI do far too many dumb things to list these days, but I will share that my car remote has become a most valuable tool. No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to recall where I've parked, so I use the panic button on the back to sound my alarm and walk in that direction. And to think I used to make fun of my mom for trying a ribbon on her antenna. Great post, Lauri.
ReplyDeleteOh, BK, that is funny. Thanks for sharing. Someday I'll have to tell you about me at the gas station. It's rather long to write on here. Talk about mortified, that was me. lol.
ReplyDeleteBy the way....those of us with bad eyes HATE those bot things we have to try to decipher in order to post. It took me four attempts, and now I have to do it again...or another four just because I wanted to complain. :)
ReplyDeleteWow, Ginger, great idea about the ribbon. I'm always too embarrassed to use my remote alarm. Ha, ha, ha.
ReplyDeleteSee, your mom was a wise woman.
Wow, Ginger, great idea about the ribbon. I'm always too embarrassed to use my remote alarm. Ha, ha, ha.
ReplyDeleteSee, your mom was a wise woman.
I absolutely destest those captcha thingies. I hope to never have to use them on my blog.
ReplyDeleteI have dozen but couldn't pull one out of my head at the moment.
ReplyDeleteHaving read most of the Winnie books, I'm certainly aware of how much Lorrie identifies with Winnie. What she doesn't know, is that so many of us are also Winnies. Lorrie has listed a number of ways we all are like her loveable and funny character in the C.O.D. Club.
ReplyDeleteMy best was visiting Dublin, where what we call the ground/first floor is zero, what we call the second floor is the first floor, etc. Off to the ladies rest room I go, on what I thought was the second floor. But it was the Irish first floor, and I went into the men's room. No one was there, and I didn't realize what I'd done until two men came in as I was leaving. They gave me the strangest stares, and THEN I read the sign outside/above the door. Never made that mistake again. Great post, Lorrie!
ReplyDeleteGreat post, Lorrie. :) Okay, I will share only one...because my goodness...I went grocery shopping just before Christmas in November. Came home and put the food away and two boxes of chocolates I had bought. Days later, I couldn't figure out what happened to package of hot dogs I had bought. A month later, when wrapping Christmas gifts I found the hot dogs...in my bedroom closet. :( lol
ReplyDeleteHi Marian,Pat,Kim and Marva. Thank you so much for stopping by. Those Winnie-isms are hysterical and I'll be chuckling all day.
ReplyDeleteAll I can say is, "Thank God I'm not the only one." I'm in great company.
My husband and I were talking one afternoon about painting something, for the life of me I can't remember what, and he mentioned it would be easier to just buy a can of black spray paint.
ReplyDeleteMy response: "Do they make black paint?"
I have no idea why I said that or what was on my mind. lol. He still teases me about it to this day.
Oh Kara, that is priceless. Your are never going to live that one down. lol.
ReplyDeleteI am standing tall and proud to know that I am among all these Winnie-ism tales and can identify with every one of them. Hang in there, sistas! Thanks for sharing this fun piece. I am still smiling. Even the captcha will not ruin my good mood!! I have learned to click the refresh arrow till one comes up I can actually see.
ReplyDeleteHi JQ, it does make you feel good to know 'We are not alone,' lol, doesn't it? Thanks for stopping.
ReplyDeleteanother shopping one. i drive a suburban, bright red, rack on top, 4 x 4. it taller than most things in the lot and easy to spot, except for one day when i couldn't find it.near the panic stage, ready to call hubby and/or cops, i finally remembered i'd driven the car that day. anyone every thought about how many white cars there are out there. after going through the lots so many times, i could remember where the hell i'd parked and spend another 10 minutes going down the aisle looking for one that seemed familiar. yep, felt like an idiot.
ReplyDeleteOh that's funny Larion. I know not at the time. Ahem, I have a white car too.
ReplyDeleteWe used to have two cars. Same as you, I'd come out of the store, near panic, and have to stop and think, 'now which car did I drive today.' Not fun, but funny the next day. After getting the near stroke of course. lol.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDL, I'd love to shut the bot thing off, but this isn't my blog. Sure, it's here to use, but I don't know who started it. The blog is listed on my blog page, but it ain't mine.
ReplyDeleteIt does come in handy, though.
I wish I knew who started or opened this one. If anyone does know, please tell me.
I know the gas station Winnie-ism and IT IS FUNNY!!!! LOL
ReplyDeleteI always tell my husband he doesn't listen to me and I test him. This one time I asked him, "What was I saying?" He said, "don't know." I said, "See, you don't listen to me." He said, "Well, all you said was 'Uuuh' and shut up. That's it." Oops! :)
Another time was with me and my Mom. I like to make homemade jewelry and the one night I kept dreaming of beads. So the next morning I told my mom and husband that. My mom goes, "Bees?" I said, "Beads."
"Beans?"
"Beads."
"Beats?"
"BEADS!"
"Bleeds?"
"BEES!!!" (Yes, she made me say it wrong.) "I mean BEADS! Beads like jewelry beads."
My husband didn't say a word, just sat on the couch, laughing hysterically. I think we were bith having a Winnie Moment. hahaha!!!
I know the gas station Winnie-ism and IT IS FUNNY!!!! LOL
ReplyDeleteI always tell my husband he doesn't listen to me and I test him. This one time I asked him, "What was I saying?" He said, "don't know." I said, "See, you don't listen to me." He said, "Well, all you said was 'Uuuh' and shut up. That's it." Oops! :)
Another time was with me and my Mom. I like to make homemade jewelry and the one night I kept dreaming of beads. So the next morning I told my mom and husband that. My mom goes, "Bees?" I said, "Beads."
"Beans?"
"Beads."
"Beats?"
"BEADS!"
"Bleeds?"
"BEES!!!" (Yes, she made me say it wrong.) "I mean BEADS! Beads like jewelry beads."
My husband didn't say a word, just sat on the couch, laughing hysterically. I think we were bith having a Winnie Moment. hahaha!!!
Yes, hard of hearing and going back and forth with the same word can twist your tongue in a knot. LOL. I think I've done that one a few times myself. My husband was hard of hearing. It is funny when that happens.
ReplyDeleteNice to have you stop by, Darla.
No, I shut the bot thing off. I have admin privilages.
ReplyDelete:)
BTW the person who built the blog gave a group of us admin privilages. Cate Masters, Arlene Webb and I can all get in and tweak things. Just shoot us an email if you need anything. Our links are on the sidebar.
ReplyDeleteYes, I see them DL. I don't have admin priviliges, but if someone shuts of the bot, won't this site get a lot of spam?
ReplyDeleteI love this site when I'm hurting for a guest spot. It's nice to have this blog handy.
Not many use it though. And that's a shame since so many of us do write paranormal. I bet we could post our work that isn't paranormal too.
Post is over folks. Who's next. Someone take it away for your post.
ReplyDeleteThanks all for the comments.