Paranormalists: March 2013

My Winnie-isms

Lorrie Unites-Struiff

Do you know what Winnie-isms are? Well, let me clue you in.

They are dumb, idiotic things I do at times. I think we all do goofy things occasionally. Let me give you a few for instances.

These are all “one day in the past few months.”

1. I went to the post office, parked in the lot, and went inside. When I came out, I walked to my car and slipped inside the driver seat. Something felt wrong. The dashboard looked different. After a few seconds, I realized I got in the wrong car, one that looked exactly like mine. Mine sat parked three spaces down.

I tried to sneak out casually, and I made it to the bumper when a very old, sweet man with a cane and thick glasses hobbled up to me. He said, “Honey, can you help me find my car, it looks like yours.”

2. Did you ever get in the shower with your socks on? Let me tell you, it feels weird.

3. My stove died. I had a new one delivered and installed. I made frozen shrimp scampi in the oven. You know the one where the shrimp comes coated in the seasoning that melts in the pan and all you have to do is pour it over the linguini.

Understand, my computer is in my den and I can’t see my kitchen from where I work.

All of a sudden, my fire alarm blares. It’s loud. I jumped off the chair like a maniac, peeked around the corner, and my kitchen was hazy with smoke. Yep, the butter burned with the shrimp. I shut off the oven, opened its door plus the outside door of my kitchen. The alarm still blared so loud I thought my ears would bleed. The phone rings. My security company calls me. I yell over the alarm and assure them all is okay, don’t call the fire departmend, then proceed to shut the alarm off. Now, if that isn’t bad enough, I turned my oven on the next day to make a roast for dinner. My alarm screamed again.

Oops. I forgot to check the oven bottom where all the butter from the shrimp leaked yesterday. So, it’s like a replay with my security co. How embarrassing.

Okay, I got over it. I cleaned my oven.

Next day, I forgot my security system was armed and I opened a door. Yep, you guessed it.

I think the man who called me from my security company was a little irked. He said, “What in the hell are you doing to set the alarms off every day?”

Eww.

4. Did you ever try to use your TV remote thinking it was your portable phone? Lol. I did.

This article is long enough, so I won’t even write what happened at the gas station, or the grocery store, etc.

Why do I call them Winnie-isms? They remind me of my character, Winnie, from the “Call on the Dead Club” series. I swear she is my alter ego.

I do have the weird sense humor to laugh at myself when I do these silly things. I laugh so hard it’s ridiculous. Of course that’s after the fact and when my heart slows to normal.

Am I the only weird one? I can’t be. I’m sure you have all pulled a few Winnie-isms in the past. Please share one with me so I don’t feel sooooo alone. Or, ahem, idiotic.

UNWANTED GIFT and GOING IN STYLE. Both in the first download.

Winnie went to the funeral home to pay her last respects to her dead bingo friend Cora.

There lay Cora in her casket, and there sat Cora on a chair next to her casket.
*
Come and meet Winnie Krapski who hugged a cherry tree during a lightning storm. The bolt slammed her, splitting the tree in half. The near-death experience bestowed her with a gift–one she’d rather not have.
Drafted into the C.O.D. Club (Call on the Dead) by Fat Phil Phillips, her mission is to grant the newly deceased’s ghost one last reasonable request. Can Winnie honor her oath?

Well, she tries. But, not before she stumbles into situations that almost get her killed. She’s one spunky broad. Follow her adventures in the COD Club series.

http://www.amazon.com/Unwanted-Gift-Going-Style-ebook/dp/B009CZYE9C/

It's here, it's here. Free download March 7-8-9th

Secrets abound. Bullets fly. Yep, it’s Winnie granting a dead person’s last request..

(Blurb)

Mr. and Mrs. Bickerson are in a fatal highway accident. Both Phil and Winnie work their last requests. Strange that the dead couple want their requests kept secret from one another. Why? What are they hiding?

Winnie works the request and ends up in more danger than she can handle.

Yep, Winnie is in deep poo again.

March 7-8-9th. Here, here, get your copy now. It is a standalone.

(excerpt)

While reading the local obituaries, I slurped my morning tea. Being a member of the Call on the Dead Club, I hoped I didn’t have to do any spook-speaking for the next few days for my assigned district. With my head cold, I felt miserable.

“Good Lord,”I gasped. The cup dropped from my fingers, shattered, and sloshed tea over the floor. My breath caught in my throat. Mr. and Mrs. Richard Bickerson had been in a fatal car accident. They lived four blocks over from me with their twin sons.

What a terrible tragedy. I grabbed the broom and dishcloth and, after cleaning up the mess, went back to the paper. I hardly knew them, but the Mister owned the Bickerson Computer Center at the mall. His wife was a teacher at the elementary school. The visitation started tomorrow and both laid-out in the same room. Yep, in my district. Oh, crap!

Ever since I had hugged that darn cherry tree in a storm, got zapped by lightning, and had a near-death experience, I’ve been stuck with this unwanted ghostie talent.

The oath Phil Phillips coerced me into taking, granting the last request of the deceased for the worldwide COD club was not always an easy job. I should know, even ended up in the slammer once.

My bones ached, and a slight headache throbbed behind my eyes. I shivered and pulled my flannel robe tighter. This drastic change of weather from warm to chilly had me coming down with something. What a ducky way to start tomorrow. Two stiffs and the sniffles.

I grabbed the phone. No way was this gal doing double duty when I felt like death myself.

Fat Phil answered on the first ring. “Yeah, yeah, Winnie. I’m reading it now, and you’re gonna beg for help.”

“Your Caller ID’s annoying. You should get rid of it.”

“Sure I will. Well? You gonna beg?”

“Hey! You’re the president of our chapter. It’s your job to find me a partner. You know I can’t work two last requests at a time.”

“But no one else is available.”

“You are. I see your assigned district is clear. Come on, Phil. This’s heavy-duty stuff and you know it.”

He sighed long and hard. “I guess I got no choice.” Paper rustled. “I see they’re going to have viewing for two days.”

“Yeah.” I sneezed and snuffled. “I guess since it’s a double header.”

Fat Phil’s voice grated in my ear. “You sound horrible.”

“I’m not feeling well.”

“Take a few Coldquils. We gotta stick to our mission. Maybe it’ll be an easy one.

(But…does Winnie ever get an easy request? Find out in her new adventure.

Buy site.

Yay, COD # 3 is out!

http://www.amazon.com/Going-Double-Header-Call-ebook/dp/B00BENUFPW/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1362407313&sr=8-4&keywords=Lorrie+Unites-Struiff

Amazon, my download buy page: http://www.amazon.com/Lorrie-Unites-Struiff/e/B0046DA65Q/ref=sr_tc_2_0?qid=1357417814&sr=1-2-ent

Blog: http://lorriejuly.blogspot.com/ Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/lorrie.struiff

Pintrest: https://pinterest.com/811lms/

Come on, don't be shy. Share your Winnie-ism with us today in the comment section below. We could all use a good laugh at ourselves.

Let's try this again. The story is up for a free download on Amazon March 7-8-9th. Grab you copy today. The link again is
http://www.amazon.com/Going-Double-Header-Call-ebook/dp/B00BENUFPW/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1362673371&sr=8-4&keywords=lorrie+unites-struiff

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Thursday, March 14, 2013

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Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Have you pulled any Winnie-isms lately?